Sacramento

I'm pretty much blessed with the best friends ever :)

A Moment in Time

There are certain things in this world that are simply inexplicable. The triggers are numerous: be it a TV show, a time with a friend, an old memory of an action long ago taken, or simply just a familiar sight. They spawn something... little. Something that's so small that you can't quite grasp it; so small that it often goes unnoticed. But when you do, it is almost as if time stands still. You get a feeling as if you are gazing upon an existence infinitely more complex than you ever comprehended in the past, or ever will in the future; and the thoughts you have within that moment cannot ever be explained to another human being. You yourself can never explain them to your own mind once that moment passes. But in that endless second, something clicks. I have no idea what, only that I am left with a residual awe and wonder, but also a quiet and gnawing yearning.

Spring Semester 2011

So.. Its my last day of classes this semester. Definitely bittersweet. I LOVED this semester. I love the people I've met this semester; I love the classes I've been in this semester; I especially love the church community I've been accepted into this semester. I'm going to miss it all; and I'm really excited to move back next semester. It will be nice to be home this summer; but it will be different from what its been in the past. We'll see how it goes!

Lack of Posts

I can't believe that I haven't written ANYTHING on here since I moved to Fullerton. So much has happened; so many good things, so many interesting things, so many not-necessarily good things, and so many life experiences. I've had quite the few couple of months, and I can hardly believe that I'm moving back to San Diego in just a week and a half. I look forward to whatever may happen in the near future :) I'm finally not wishing that something else was happening with my life! Overall, moving away has been the best thing to happen to me for years.

An Addiction

The rush of air moving ever-so-quickly across my face,
The radiant warmth that comes from directly underneath,
The screaming wail; Half wind / Half machine,
The feeling of being in complete unison with another object,
The absolute freedom, the epitome of living in the moment.

The slightest twist of my wrist
Sending me:
--
Hurtling.
-----
Breathlessly.
-----
Forward.
--

I NEED TO RIDE MY MOTORCYCLE

Purpose

This Christmas Eve has been one of such incredible insight. Through the course of these past 24 hours, I have felt more alive than I have for a very long time. And you know why? Its because I have a PURPOSE again. I have a reason to keep on going, a reason to strive ever onwards. This period of coasting in stagnant waters for ever so long is finally behind me, and a new beginning is in front of me. I have a job, I'm starting a savings account, I finally chose that school I'm going to be attending for the next two years, and am working on trying to get housing at said location. - -- -------, --- --- ----- ---- -- -- ----, ----- -- -- ---------- ------ --- ------ ---- --- ---- - ---- -------- ---. (Ain't redaction great?) I feel like I have so much to live and work for. And I've given some very important things to God. If there's one thing that's effected me today, it was what Pastor Doug said at the Christmas Eve service about the wise men: that they didn't bring things to Christ that they thought He'd want or need, they brought was was most valuable to them to Him. So this Christmas season (ie: tonight), I've given what I currently hold most valuable to God. Its a scary proposition, but one that couldn't be more RIGHT. And it is such a load off of my heart and soul. Because who else could take better care of things? I'm so glad to be alive. So glad to have a purpose, so glad to be okay with how things are. Merry Christmas everyone, Merry Christmas.

Decisions

Today is a day of decisions. Multiple decisions. Big decisions.

These are going to radically change my life depending on how they all play out. I've put a lot of prayer into these, and am continuing to do so. Its all in the Lord's hands now; as once He's given me His advice and wisdom, all I can do is act upon that. I'm not going to lie, its a scary time. But also a time that could mean the start of some incredible new things. Let's just hope that things go well, yeah?

Late

I feel like I just missed the bus.

Half-Awakened

I am still. Silent. Within my closed eyelids darkness is the only reality. The noises surrounding me ignored, I hear my own heart beat. Slow. Steady. Powerful. Blood rushes through my veins: I am alive. So very alive. A slight breeze brings me back to reality. With a single intentional breath inward, air courses into my lungs. Sweet, life-giving oxygen. And when my chest seems like it might burst from the force, I exhale with just as much purpose. My eyes suddenly whip open; a world of color and beauty snaps into focus. Skyscrapers rise like an endless forest in the distance, busy streets curl around their bases far below. The sun approaches the horizon in a deliberate fashion, shooting beams of red-orange fire through the atmosphere. Thousands of stories off the ground my feet begin moving as if possessed by something foreign. Placing one foot in front of the other, my legs pump incessantly, an unstoppable force vying to meet an impossible end. The ledge approaches faster and faster still. With my entire body working as one singular entity, with doubt being a concept seeming to have been forgotten, with every fiber of my being screaming for the same conclusion, I leap. I launch myself into the air. Up. Over. Long forgotten, the ledge disappears far behind. Freedom resonates through each cell of my body; a full chorus of endless bliss. The gentle breeze transforms into a maelstrom of fury. Arms tucked to my sides, legs straight as they can bend, I rocket downward. A building comes up from the depths of the concrete jungle, and with a flex of my muscles it flies by as if it, not I, were moving with an every-increasing swiftness. A tuck of my knees brings me into a rolling somersault through the sky, and as the invert completes itself, a quick movement to open my legs and arms allows the fabric underneath to crack into place. Without warning, my reality is ripped upwards. Forward motion is achieved within half of a heartbeat. My dance with terminal velocity has ended; my affair with flying has only just begun. The ground is suddenly no longer a deadly rival in allegiance with the clock. A smile comes to my lips. Two structures loom closer, and with a skilled dive I manage to swoop through the deceptively large clearing between the twin columns of steel. Having descended well below the summits of the mighty architectural landmarks, a new challenge has presented itself. I gladly accept. Just as I plunge towards the first opening cut out by the streets far below, an alarm. Blaring. Thunderous. Deafening. My world begins to rip itself apart. The mighty skyscrapers are crashing forever downwards. The air itself begins to boil. And then, in a flash of light, matter itself is dissolved like a roll of film overexposed to the brilliance daylight. My eyes open: I am awake.

Waiting, Hoping

In a time of my life where nothing is terribly certain, nothing is guaranteed, and so many decisive decisions need to be made, I've found myself stressed, stretched, and anxious. This semester, these few months, have been and will continue to be, a period of transition, of waiting, and of stagnant progress. Which, frustrating as it can be, was definitely needed. The opportunity I have at Signature Sound is an incredible one, and one that would not have happened had I not been at home with little to no responsibilities this season. And I am entirely grateful for it. As much as I wish I could be moving on in a forward direction with my schooling/career/life, I understand that this interim period is necessary; regardless of how much I don't like it. There have been highs, there have been lows, and there has been a whole lot of trust that God's timing is one that has my better interest in mind. Its not fun waiting, and it isn't easy, but I'm hoping for the best!