Inexplicable

I'm in this weird mood and mindset, and I really don't know how to explain or express it. Its most definitely not bad, negative, or anything of that sort, its just.. odd. I just can't say I've experienced it before. I wish I could explain it though; its been driving me nuts that I can't categorize it. I don't think I want it to go away though. I kind of like it.

Pure Joy

I am so inexplicably grateful that God has allowed me to have Him in my life.

The Best Musical Purchase Ever

Needle and Haystack Life
Mess of Me
Your Love Is a Song
The Sound
Enough to Let Me Go
Free
Hello Hurricane
Always
Bullet Soul
Yet
Sing It Out
Red Eyes

I don't buy music. Ever. In fact, I've purchased maybe two, make that three, physical albums in my entire lifetime. So know that it means something when I bought my first CD in four years, and that that CD was Switchfoot's new album Hello Hurricane. I love this album in its entirety.

Feelings, Thoughts, and Conclusions

A lot has been happening with me personally in the past week, and its taken me on an emotional roller coaster that I can't say I've enjoyed. I don't believe that the exact details of what's been going on are important for the world wide web to know, but I've been needing to write things down for a little bit. I think only in one or two past experiences have I ever been as sad, depressed, confused, hopeful, happy, elated, content, despaired, and okay as I have been in these past couple of days. What I've found however, is that amongst the feeling that I've lost something, is a hope that something good can come out of this. It may not be what my plans were, and if anything, God's really been showing me in the past months that my plans are not the ones He has in store for me. But as I pray for His healing and strength every day, I find consolation in the idea that He knows what's best for me, even when I have not a clue as to what He's trying to do with me. Its like that trust-building activity, where you close your eyes, fold your hands over your chest, and fall backwards into the hands of the person behind you. I'm falling backwards right now, and I scrambled at first, but now I have the absolute trust that God will catch me. I'm in a mourning process right now, but I pray that I am only missing and saddened by the loss of but one area of something that was much deeper to begin with. A conversation needs to take place; not right now, as time needs to continue to level my head first, but later, when a positive, and God-fulfilling avenue of communication can happen. I have a trust that God knows what He's doing, but I also have a hope that what a friend once told me is true: there are no goodbyes, simply, "see you later"s.

The Waiting Game

I normally really suck at it, but I'm giving it my absolute very best shot.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Erin!

Sorry I didn't choose a more flattering picture, I just liked this one too much :P

Possibilities

I lost my job yesterday, and I was saddened by the fact that society (and a number of friends) expect me to be pissed off, mad, and curse out my old bosses. What I was made even sadder by was the fact that in society’s eyes; in most of my friend’s eyes, I’d have been completely justified if I had, and no one would have thought lesser of me. And the temptation was there. But I didn’t. In fact, after thinking about what I wanted to say, I sent my bosses an email thanking them for allowing me to work where I had, and explaining my highlights of working there. Instead of the negative, I focused on the positive. And though I’m still annoyed with what happened, I found that leaving those two relationships on a positive note brought me joy. Yes, I am stressed out now that my source of income is gone, but if anything, I’m excited for the career change. I wasn’t getting enough hours at the Café, and it most definitely was not stable. I’m at the start of a new chapter in my life, one that’s been writing its introduction ever since the end of the summer. I’m thrilled with what’s happened so far, and I can’t wait to see what else is going to happen along the line. One year ago, when a similar thing happened with C28, it took months to forgive and be okay with what happened. Now, it took a matter of hours. To say that God’s been working on me a bit in the past year would be an understatement.

Proportion

Click On The Image, And Be Prepared To Be Blown Away

Intentionally Taking A Breath

We're busy people. Its our nature, and its how we do things. As Americans, our society demands us to have our time filled with a planned event at all times. 6am: Wake up; 7am: leave for work; 8am: arrive at work; 1pm: eat lunch; 6pm: go home; 7pm: eat dinner; 11pm: go to bed. Rinse. Repeat. Everyone has their own schedule, their own hectic busyness. You do, I do. Some of you more than others. It makes days drag on, so that you wonder when they'll ever end. And when they do, you ask yourself what you truly did that day. What was unique, what set that day apart from every other Thursday? Often enough, the answer to that question is a little sad. I had tuna instead of roast beef. I took the 15 to work as opposed to the back roads. I had a chance to see this in action Friday morning, and it saddened me to no extent. Hundreds upon hundreds of people going their separate ways to work; school. And what played out before them was not noticed. It was most likely considered an annoyance covered up by sunglasses and visors attached to car ceilings: the beauty and majesty of the very ball of fire that keeps us alive billions of miles away, rising above the purple mountains of Ramona and beyond, as it rotated into view. It started as a light in the east. As dawn approached, the landscape took on a certain lighting seen only ten seconds before sunrise. The air felt fresh, the land seemed new, and then the earth stood still; holding its collective breath. A speck of light pierced the atmosphere above a distant peak. The single blinding ray grew in a matter of seconds into a brilliant display of pure light who's majesty could never be done justice with mere words. Mist and fog were struck by the spectacle, and as if bowing to its awe-inspiring beauty, ceased to exist. Shadows formed amongst suburbia, outlining each tree, house, and car unconditionally. Birds celebrated in full chorus. The new day was born! As a simple human being standing on a hill overlooking the valley, I could do nothing but gape in astonishment that such beauty could exist. And no one cared. The general populace ignored the spectacle, and took its warmth and light for granted. Normally, I would have been banging away at my alarm clock's annoying wake up call. But I chose to witness the inspiration of the sun's rise in person. Instead of taking things for granted, I took a breath inward on my own volition, and expelled it with just as much conscientious effort. I, along with the rest of nature, breathed in the first breath of the day, and cherished it. Few realize what happened at 7:14am, October 23rd, 2009 in the Rancho Bernardo valley of California in these very United States on planet Earth in the distant arm of the Milky Way galaxy. But for those that witnessed it for themselves, let them never forget the gift that God gave them: the gift of free will; to break from the pre-determined schedule, and experience something extraordinary.

Human Beings

I’ve forgotten how it is to be amongst the “everyday” person in this world. We live such exclusive lives, doing our own thing, at our own time, on our own volition, with no thought for other people and what’s going on in their lives. We don’t want to interact with another person unless if we absolutely have to. If you don’t know a person, it is generally accepted that you don’t make contact with them. And unfortunately, we’re okay with that. I’ve often found that it’s that one interaction with another human being in my day that just makes it a unique and encouraging day. When that stranger holds eye contact with you for more than just a simple glance and you share a smile. When a bus driver makes it his personal vendetta to make sure you get to the right place at the right time, and gives you free fare. When the person next to you on that very bus asks you where you’re going and what you were doing in the area, and actually gets excited for you when you tell them. It’s the person that sees you’re in pain and hurting, and decides to sit with you, hoping it’ll comfort you from your problems. That person that notices that you don’t have enough money to buy something, and decides they’re footing the bill for you, no questions asked. We find other people to be the most incompetent, useless beings on the planet that can do nothing but screw up and cause us problems. What we never remember however, is that these are the very people that can make our day with nothing but a simple smile. The most crucial thing however, is that we don’t remember that we ARE these people. That everyday person that pays for your meal, that genuinely wonders how your day is going, that simply wanted to look at you while smiling; that’s you. That’s me. We can be that person that cares enough to help a short-changed stranger. We can be that person that gets out of that rushed mindset and allows that one car to merge into your lane in front of you. We can be the individual that simply looks at someone with intent, and grins. We can be the reason someone’s day is made. Yes, someone close to us that makes the effort to show they care usually means so much more to us personally, but there’s such a unique feeling to be experienced when you interact with the general population on this chunk of space rock. I think it’s called being human. Acknowledging someone else’s existence, and being acknowledged as a unique being yourself, with no selfish personal gain being brought to either side is a part of our social fabric that has been re-written, forgotten, and lost. Guys, let’s make the effort. You know how much better your day gets when someone notices you and chooses to do something about it. Be that person.