Recollections

2009 was quite the year. A ton of things happened, most already forgotten, but some lodged in my head for hopefully quite a long time.

I met some really cool people this year!
-A girl named Elizabeth; she's now up at Joshua.
-Morgan's cousin Gary, who is now a really awesome friend.
-I went out with Erin, an amazing girl I met this summer. Though it didn't work out, I have to say the entire experience was a positive one that I have fond memories of.
-A host of Gary's friends, each incredible in their own ways; and way too numerous to mention each. (Kathreen, I thought you deserved a shout-out ^_^ )

I went to some absolutely stunning places!
-Visiting Emily for a week up at school.
-Surprising James for his birthday by flying out to Colorado unannounced.
-Big Bear trips!
-Hume Lake; twice :)
-Epic roadtrips; both spontaneous and planned.
-I discovered the beauty and freedom on the Anza Borrego desert.
-Sooooo much more.

I was privileged to have the chance to do some great things!
-Continued speaking into the junior higher's lives.
-Learned more about mixing live sound that I thought possible.
-Counseling a cabin of freshmen boys up at Hume for a week :D
-Was home alone for a combined four months in both the summer and fall semester.
-Worked with Alex at Verrazzano's for 6 months.

And some not so great things happened..
-CRAZY drama in the spring. (followed by crazy reconciliation in the end of the summer)
-Lost my job.
-Some personal stuff too.

But overall, I really have to say that God has taught me SO much this past year. Its been an eye-opening experience, and though I can't say I enjoyed every moment of it, there are more than a few memories that bring a warm smile to my face. I love you my friends, my family; but more than that, I love you my God. I pray that I learn just as much in 2010, and that I am able to move in a positive forward motion these coming twelve months.

Imperfect Perfect Timing

I'm getting over a cold (finally) that sprung up right at the start of my Christmas break. The timing for that really sucked. I had a million and one Christmas parties that I was going to attend, I was supposed to go caroling, and on top of that, gifts to deliver. I ended up sitting in my pajamas with a fever, hacking cough, and a nose running like it was being chased by the law. So instead of white elephant gift exchanges, ugly Christmas sweater contests, Elf marathons, and caroling, I sat in my room and played a video game called Supreme Commander. What was an unwelcome break was still a break though, and it did what breaks typically do: it recuperated and refreshed. So I guess the upside to my lamely-timed sickness was that I had a chance to rest in a period where I was doing nothing but operating at 110%. Finals took their toll, and then I jumped headlong into the holidays without a breath of rest. And though I wish I could have done all that fun stuff, I'm a little glad I didn't. I had an unplanned chance to catch my breath and slow down for a bit. It was nice. And now that break is kicking it in to high gear, I'm at it once again, full steam!

Swelling Strings And Blaring Trumpets

Somewhat embarrassingly, I can't get the movie Avatar out of my mind. Its like a song that you just can't get out of your head. Except its an entire movie. So in an attempt to do something about it, I got the soundtrack, and have now become completely addicted to it (great). The soundtrack does pretty much what the movie did to me on a smaller scale; it swells a storm of emotion. I honestly don't know what it is about this production that just hits home for me. I feel like it reached deep within me and touched something that resonates throughout my entire being. I think my problem is that I want Pandora to be real. Amongst all its dangers and hardships, I think I found something that I am so dearly wishing was a reality. An escape from the inevitable monotony of this life here on Earth. Everyone is pushing for me to do this or that, asking me what career I want to take up, where I want to go to school next, what I want to study. I know what I want to do. But its unacceptable to our society. I want to pioneer, in the straight up definition of that word. I want to go out to explore and see things that no one else has laid their eyes on. I want to discover new places with their own extraordinary history and past. I want to divulge in God's complete mastery over Creation. I don't want to sit behind a desk and make money. Sure, money's useful and all that, but I wish I could live without it. Look at what its done to our societies. Greed over a number in a bank account has corrupted the best of us into slaves of the pursuit of wealth. Yet all that turns into is sustenance. 40+ hours a week means a meal on the table and a warm house to sleep in. It works. But its a system that entraps. We weren't meant to do menial jobs our entire lives just so that we could live. I want to do something that MEANS something. Something that I'm passionate about, something that I love. I want to break free from all this. But I don't know how. I don't even think its possible. You have to have money to do anything. And that means doing exactly what everyone else has been doing for centuries. I think that Avatar gave me a glimpse into that deeply rooted dream. A chance at a life away from all this. So I find myself daydreaming of a freedom that doesn't exist, and wishing that it did. Yeah, life's not all fun and games; and I don't want it to be. What I long for is it to bring up a new challenge every day; not one that I simply have to throw money at, but one that I have to DO something about. I want life to be significant. I want an option that it seems I just don't have.

Avatar

I've seen a lot of movies, I've liked more than a few of them. I've claimed to absolutely love some and despise others. But even the movies that I hold as some of the greatest productions I've seen have things wrong with them; bits that are just off, parts I kind of want to fast forward. I've been blown away by movies, drawn into them, unable to wait for the next scene. But I can't say I've ever been affected by a movie like this before. I went into the theater knowing nothing about the plot, nothing about the premise other than the fact that it was Sci-Fi, took place on another planet some time in the future, and had crazy blue people. I was starting to regret spending $16.50 three weeks ago on my movie ticket. Leaving the theater, I found myself disappointed. Disappointed that the reality I had just been submersed in wasn't real. When I got up, I found that my entire body ached; I quite literally had not moved a muscle for over two hours. Movies are good at bringing emotions. The opening of Up makes you feel for Carl; usually to the brink of tears. 28 Days Later makes you feel dread, a pit of terror in your stomach. Kung Fu Panda gives you a childish sense of joy and laughter. But never before have I seen a movie that was ironically enough (considering the alien protagonists) so human. I was drawn in by the story, sure. The IMAX3D presentation made the screen seem a hundred feet deep, furthering the illusion of reality. The CGI masterpieces that filled the screen didn't look too good to be true; they were in almost all senses of the word, real. Epic scenes took over the theater. Subtle little things that most people probably didn't notice dominated every shot. But that wasn't what got me. It was the pure emotion of the film. I've never felt so angry looking at a screen before; wanting nothing but to jump up and scream in rage. I've never been made to feel so helpless by a film. I've never experienced such wonder, amazement, and awe. All that from a movie. The absolute beauty of the world in which the film exists was unimaginable. All in all, I had no idea what I was getting into when I saw this production. I can't wait to go back and witness it again. By far, and without a doubt in my mind, this was the BEST film I have ever had the joy of experiencing in my lifetime. Go see it. I guarantee you won't regret it.

Finals

+

=

Pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

A Melody And Guitar

What is it about music that is just so pure, relaxing, enjoyable, so liberating, so creative, so incredible, beautiful, astounding, inspiring, reassuring, releasing, and so exhilarating? Music is all that and oh so much more. It truly is one of the most indescribably awe-some things in this life here on Earth. And considering God's Word; its a pretty significant part of our continued life once we leave our bodies behind. If music is this good now, I can't even come close to imagining what I'd imagine it will be like in His presence.

Downpour

I've been meaning to go to sleep for about an hour now, but I can't. Not that anything's wrong, but simply because the rain is coming down so hard. I'm enchanted by it: I love it. The sound as it wisps through the air, hits the Christmas Lights strung from my house to the light pole, and splashes into the quasi-river that my street's turned into is intoxicating. The weather in Socal; while consistent, enjoyable, and nice, is rather boring. I love the cold, I love the rain, I love the snow, I love the thrill of not knowing what the day will look like when I wake up and look out the window. I went outside and stood in the drenching embrace of the emptying skies for a couple minutes; and a calm that can only be brought on by that specific circumstance was brought upon me. I use this quote way too much, so forgive me, but in the movie V for Vendetta, one of the main characters, Evey, says, "God is in the rain". While I know that God is not literally found in the rain, I can't help but agree with her. It is in that moment; when I stand with my arms outstretched, soaked by His creation, that I feel closer to Him than I usually ever do. On an internal, inexplicable level, I can't help but think that she's got it right.

The Plan

When the Zombie Apocalypse inevitably happens, what's your plan? You've got to have one, because a lack of Zombie Plan pretty much means that you're going to become another meaty snack for the hordes of undead. Now, in order to be fully prepared, one needs to know that a variety of walking abominations are possible.

~ First off, there's your Classic Zombie. These guys are slow, stupid, and lumbering. But never underestimate their numbers! They may be cannon fodder, but you'll soon realize that you simply can't kill all of them before they get to you. Examples of Classic Zombies can be found in the video game Dead Rising, and the movie Dawn of the Dead.

~ Then there's Fast Zombies. These guys are nasty. They come in two forms: smart and dumb. The smart variety aren't actually intelligent, but they will hunt you down instead of vaguely trip in your direction. This means that they'll attempt to break down obstacles you've put up, and sometimes may even launch an all-at-once attack with their fellow brain-eaters. Fast Zombies are, as the name implies, fast. They can outrun you, jump higher than you, and are generally much stronger than you. This is the worst-case scenario. Examples can be found in the movies 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, and also I Am Legend.

~ Lastly are Modern Zombies. This is generally accepted as the most likely outbreak of the undead to occur. Modern Zombies take a combination of traits from other theories, and are the most versatile. They stumble around either in hordes or alone. They're generally smart enough to pursue you, but lack the smarts to avoid traps. When they are especially hungry for your fleshy goodness, they will in fact run after you. Modern Zombies however, can still horde a location and overwhelm it with sheer numbers. There are not many mainstream examples of Modern Zombies.

Now that you have the information regarding the undead hordes, start your own plan. When you hear about the Zombie Apocalypse, its do or die. Know where you're going to go, how you're going to fortify that location, what supplies you'll have, and how you'll manage to defend yourself. Generally, this primary shelter won't be good enough to last, so you'll need a location in mind that you can fortify, supply, and hold out in. Transportation is also a major concern. Think about what neighbors/friends you know that have large, heavy vehicles, preferably a Hummer or raised truck. Think about where the nearest stockpile of weapons might be as well; your local police station for instance. Generally, your plan should avoid densely populated areas, as where there were more people, will also be where infection will have spread the worst. Once you have a solidly formulated plan, form another. You need a Zombie Plan for ALL occasions. For when you're shopping, when you're spending an evening downtown, for when you're at home, church, school, your best buddy's house. And don't plan on any infrastructure; as it will most likely not be in working condition. You have to plan as if you're the only uninfected human on the planet, because, you very well may be. Plan well, and you might have a chance at surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.

So now I ask you: What's YOUR Zombie Plan?

Pressing On

Life is always moving forward. What's happened in the past is over and done with. What's going to happen in the future can only be theorized. You can't control the future, and you can't live in the past. But the present, the current, the now; THAT is our realm. Yet I find that we don't like the idea that we're stuck in the one-dimensionality of time. We always wish we could go back and change that one thing, or make sure that this certain idea happens in the times to come. Whether we're measuring by days, years, months, or hours, we're never content being here. Yet here and now is where we are. There's nothing that we can do about that on any level. So why do we try so hard? That's an answer that I simply don't have. What I can say however, is that while reminiscing is great, and planning is important, we need to start focusing on the matter at hand: this very second. One breath at a time, our biological clock is ticking ever so slowly towards either eternal life with God, or eternal life without Him. And that should be our focus. We should live every moment for our Creator, because we honestly can never actually know if it won't be our last. And how cool would it be to go out serving the Lord? Our lives are moving in forward motion. There is no pause, there are no retries, there is no "skip chapter" button. We need to stop dwelling in the past. We need to stop overly worrying about the future. Seize the day; do something extraordinary! Don't get overwhelmed by things that you can't redo. Don't freeze up because you don't know what's going to happen. Take each day by the hand, and run with it! Treasure each breath that swells inside your chest, and revel at the beauty of creation with every blink of your eye. And when the uncontrollable factors of life try to hold you down and suffocate you, break free! God didn't put us here on this Earth to cower in thought of the future, He didn't give us the gift of memories so that we could spend all day thinking about them; He put us here so that we could thrive; so that people would see how joyous and free our lives are and wonder, "What the heck do they have that I don't? Because I want some of that!" Live each moment and action for The Lord Almighty, because quite simply, that's what we were created to do. Live in the now, run alongside the flow of time and appreciate everything that comes your way. Take nothing for granted. And start to truly, truly LIVE.

Onward Towards Christmas

December's starting, and I can't say that I am where I thought I would be at the beginning of this semester. Not even close. For starters, I'm no longer in the relationship I was in, I'm no longer employed at my prior place of work, my friendships have been ebbing and flowing in and out of certain groups quickly, my parents are home a month early, and classes took different routes than I thought they would. I was madder yesterday than I've ever been, and I almost lost my cool more than a few times. Last month, I was so confused and worried, and my worst fear at the moment happened. Two weeks ago, I was homesick while in my own house, and a week later my parents came home for Thanksgiving. Things have been happening quickly, swiftly, and in new and constantly changing ways. My life is being up-heaved from its old monotonous self, and I think I like it. Though not all change is good; I'd say that change is better than no change. Christmas is right around the corner, and I'm excited for the festivities to come. Things may not be heading my way 100%, but I'm happy with where I'm going.

My Wit's End

I can't do it anymore.

Man Trip '09

Whereas this video pretty much sums up how ridiculously fun the trip that I just went on in the Anza Borrego desert was, it doesn't nearly describe how great it actually was. I'll write on it later most likely (don't hold me to that). The short version pretty much goes like this: less than a week's planning, 30 bucks a person, 1 freakish off-road vehicle, 35 gallons of gas, 4 fun-loving adventurous friends, an empty desert, a water-less oasis, anthill demolition, off-roading shenanigans, a friendly old couple, dead ends, the Diablo Drop-Off, stuck FJ Cruiser, Sandstone Canyon, a cactus with a mission, loud music, firewood, friendly FJ Cruiser guys again, setting up camp, making fire happen (match + napkin + gas-soaked logs = :D ), instant noodles, night-time Jeep surfing, mud-caving, exploration, a wash, small mud cave, real-life Raiders of the Lost Ark, walking on the moon, returning underground, s'mores, glowstick murder, the universe, sleep <--freezing, sleeping in, breakfast, packing, more off-roading, Julian, home!

(Okay, not so short, but now you see why I'm hesitant to commit a whole post to it)

Laziness & Procrastination

Why the heck has laziness been attacking me so hardcore lately? I have a million and one things to do, but I find that my plans and responsibilities have continually been thwarted not by third-party circumstances, but by me. I don't know why it is that I only procrastinate when I have a ton of things that I need to do. Its almost like I stop and stare at everything, and get overwhelmed to a point where I actually end up doing nothing at all. Why can't I stop this cycle? I have too many crucial things to do in the next week, and I can't let this get in the way.

Inexplicable

I'm in this weird mood and mindset, and I really don't know how to explain or express it. Its most definitely not bad, negative, or anything of that sort, its just.. odd. I just can't say I've experienced it before. I wish I could explain it though; its been driving me nuts that I can't categorize it. I don't think I want it to go away though. I kind of like it.

Pure Joy

I am so inexplicably grateful that God has allowed me to have Him in my life.

The Best Musical Purchase Ever

Needle and Haystack Life
Mess of Me
Your Love Is a Song
The Sound
Enough to Let Me Go
Free
Hello Hurricane
Always
Bullet Soul
Yet
Sing It Out
Red Eyes

I don't buy music. Ever. In fact, I've purchased maybe two, make that three, physical albums in my entire lifetime. So know that it means something when I bought my first CD in four years, and that that CD was Switchfoot's new album Hello Hurricane. I love this album in its entirety.

Feelings, Thoughts, and Conclusions

A lot has been happening with me personally in the past week, and its taken me on an emotional roller coaster that I can't say I've enjoyed. I don't believe that the exact details of what's been going on are important for the world wide web to know, but I've been needing to write things down for a little bit. I think only in one or two past experiences have I ever been as sad, depressed, confused, hopeful, happy, elated, content, despaired, and okay as I have been in these past couple of days. What I've found however, is that amongst the feeling that I've lost something, is a hope that something good can come out of this. It may not be what my plans were, and if anything, God's really been showing me in the past months that my plans are not the ones He has in store for me. But as I pray for His healing and strength every day, I find consolation in the idea that He knows what's best for me, even when I have not a clue as to what He's trying to do with me. Its like that trust-building activity, where you close your eyes, fold your hands over your chest, and fall backwards into the hands of the person behind you. I'm falling backwards right now, and I scrambled at first, but now I have the absolute trust that God will catch me. I'm in a mourning process right now, but I pray that I am only missing and saddened by the loss of but one area of something that was much deeper to begin with. A conversation needs to take place; not right now, as time needs to continue to level my head first, but later, when a positive, and God-fulfilling avenue of communication can happen. I have a trust that God knows what He's doing, but I also have a hope that what a friend once told me is true: there are no goodbyes, simply, "see you later"s.

The Waiting Game

I normally really suck at it, but I'm giving it my absolute very best shot.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Erin!

Sorry I didn't choose a more flattering picture, I just liked this one too much :P

Possibilities

I lost my job yesterday, and I was saddened by the fact that society (and a number of friends) expect me to be pissed off, mad, and curse out my old bosses. What I was made even sadder by was the fact that in society’s eyes; in most of my friend’s eyes, I’d have been completely justified if I had, and no one would have thought lesser of me. And the temptation was there. But I didn’t. In fact, after thinking about what I wanted to say, I sent my bosses an email thanking them for allowing me to work where I had, and explaining my highlights of working there. Instead of the negative, I focused on the positive. And though I’m still annoyed with what happened, I found that leaving those two relationships on a positive note brought me joy. Yes, I am stressed out now that my source of income is gone, but if anything, I’m excited for the career change. I wasn’t getting enough hours at the Café, and it most definitely was not stable. I’m at the start of a new chapter in my life, one that’s been writing its introduction ever since the end of the summer. I’m thrilled with what’s happened so far, and I can’t wait to see what else is going to happen along the line. One year ago, when a similar thing happened with C28, it took months to forgive and be okay with what happened. Now, it took a matter of hours. To say that God’s been working on me a bit in the past year would be an understatement.

Proportion

Click On The Image, And Be Prepared To Be Blown Away

Intentionally Taking A Breath

We're busy people. Its our nature, and its how we do things. As Americans, our society demands us to have our time filled with a planned event at all times. 6am: Wake up; 7am: leave for work; 8am: arrive at work; 1pm: eat lunch; 6pm: go home; 7pm: eat dinner; 11pm: go to bed. Rinse. Repeat. Everyone has their own schedule, their own hectic busyness. You do, I do. Some of you more than others. It makes days drag on, so that you wonder when they'll ever end. And when they do, you ask yourself what you truly did that day. What was unique, what set that day apart from every other Thursday? Often enough, the answer to that question is a little sad. I had tuna instead of roast beef. I took the 15 to work as opposed to the back roads. I had a chance to see this in action Friday morning, and it saddened me to no extent. Hundreds upon hundreds of people going their separate ways to work; school. And what played out before them was not noticed. It was most likely considered an annoyance covered up by sunglasses and visors attached to car ceilings: the beauty and majesty of the very ball of fire that keeps us alive billions of miles away, rising above the purple mountains of Ramona and beyond, as it rotated into view. It started as a light in the east. As dawn approached, the landscape took on a certain lighting seen only ten seconds before sunrise. The air felt fresh, the land seemed new, and then the earth stood still; holding its collective breath. A speck of light pierced the atmosphere above a distant peak. The single blinding ray grew in a matter of seconds into a brilliant display of pure light who's majesty could never be done justice with mere words. Mist and fog were struck by the spectacle, and as if bowing to its awe-inspiring beauty, ceased to exist. Shadows formed amongst suburbia, outlining each tree, house, and car unconditionally. Birds celebrated in full chorus. The new day was born! As a simple human being standing on a hill overlooking the valley, I could do nothing but gape in astonishment that such beauty could exist. And no one cared. The general populace ignored the spectacle, and took its warmth and light for granted. Normally, I would have been banging away at my alarm clock's annoying wake up call. But I chose to witness the inspiration of the sun's rise in person. Instead of taking things for granted, I took a breath inward on my own volition, and expelled it with just as much conscientious effort. I, along with the rest of nature, breathed in the first breath of the day, and cherished it. Few realize what happened at 7:14am, October 23rd, 2009 in the Rancho Bernardo valley of California in these very United States on planet Earth in the distant arm of the Milky Way galaxy. But for those that witnessed it for themselves, let them never forget the gift that God gave them: the gift of free will; to break from the pre-determined schedule, and experience something extraordinary.

Human Beings

I’ve forgotten how it is to be amongst the “everyday” person in this world. We live such exclusive lives, doing our own thing, at our own time, on our own volition, with no thought for other people and what’s going on in their lives. We don’t want to interact with another person unless if we absolutely have to. If you don’t know a person, it is generally accepted that you don’t make contact with them. And unfortunately, we’re okay with that. I’ve often found that it’s that one interaction with another human being in my day that just makes it a unique and encouraging day. When that stranger holds eye contact with you for more than just a simple glance and you share a smile. When a bus driver makes it his personal vendetta to make sure you get to the right place at the right time, and gives you free fare. When the person next to you on that very bus asks you where you’re going and what you were doing in the area, and actually gets excited for you when you tell them. It’s the person that sees you’re in pain and hurting, and decides to sit with you, hoping it’ll comfort you from your problems. That person that notices that you don’t have enough money to buy something, and decides they’re footing the bill for you, no questions asked. We find other people to be the most incompetent, useless beings on the planet that can do nothing but screw up and cause us problems. What we never remember however, is that these are the very people that can make our day with nothing but a simple smile. The most crucial thing however, is that we don’t remember that we ARE these people. That everyday person that pays for your meal, that genuinely wonders how your day is going, that simply wanted to look at you while smiling; that’s you. That’s me. We can be that person that cares enough to help a short-changed stranger. We can be that person that gets out of that rushed mindset and allows that one car to merge into your lane in front of you. We can be the individual that simply looks at someone with intent, and grins. We can be the reason someone’s day is made. Yes, someone close to us that makes the effort to show they care usually means so much more to us personally, but there’s such a unique feeling to be experienced when you interact with the general population on this chunk of space rock. I think it’s called being human. Acknowledging someone else’s existence, and being acknowledged as a unique being yourself, with no selfish personal gain being brought to either side is a part of our social fabric that has been re-written, forgotten, and lost. Guys, let’s make the effort. You know how much better your day gets when someone notices you and chooses to do something about it. Be that person.

I've Gotta Feeling

Tonight was a good night. Really good.

Our God

Our God, is an Awesome God,
He reigns, from Heaven above,
With wisdom, power, and love,
Our God is an Awesome God


(bear with it until a minute in, it only gets better after that)

Magnificence Perfected

I just rode home, and on the way had the privilege of witnessing the most stunning image I've seen for a very long time. The sky was blue, but within a minute's time, the sun fell behind a lone cloud, and lit everything up with colors I wouldn't do justice by describing with words. The clouds started to shift, all while the sun continued its decent into the sea. Each minute had its own unique shapes, shades, shadows, and beams of light flooding through the sky. A skilled and talented artist can reproduce a split second of the beauty I saw, but God's painting in the sky surpassed anything a mere human could ever create. I am in awe.

Promise

For some reason, I seem to go through phases of my life in which I become farther from God than I would like to be. Detached, alone, usually doing fine, but not where I should be. And its not until I need Him that I realize how very far I have put myself from the One I should always be closest to. But what never fails to amaze me is that once I've put myself in line with God again, is how fast He works to show me that He's there. And its always the small things. I've found that in my life, God usually works in ways that are subtle, unseen. And when He shows me the work He's done, its always a "wow" moment for me. But even then, sometimes He just gives me such hope through the most random things. In the movie V for Vendetta, the character Evey says a line that while cheesy, is so applicable; "God is in the rain". God is in the small things. We've built up such grandeur and excellence all around us, that we expect God to do the same. When really, I think we all forget that God already HAS. Creation anyone? We're sitting, breathing, hearing, touching, smelling, and simply being surrounded by His creation right now. So why would God not use His masterpiece to communicate with us? God told Elijah to wait on a mountainside for Him to pass by, and a raging fire, a massive earthquake, and a torrential wind all tore apart the mountainside. But God wasn't in any of them. He was in what the Bible describes simply as a "whisper". Today, it stated raining for a little while. And in the warmth of the humid air, with the feeling of the rain hitting my face and arms was one of the closest times I've spent with God for some time. And later, when I walked outside again, two magnificent rainbows were shining in the sky, saying one simple message. That God promised.

The Road Home

God coming through for me. A theme in my life that I often overlook until it happens time and time again. When times are rough, when I don't know what to do anymore, when I'm at my wit's end, God never fails to show up and help me through whatever tough time I've been having at the moment. And even though I've kept it bottled up for the past month or so, the stress of having my folks leave, school starting, work becoming drama-full, Erin being away from me, and so many things all calling for my time and attention 24/7 has finally filled all the space I have to hold it, and I'm simply feeling completely overwhelmed. Yet as I was riding home from school, thinking over the message I'm going to give the Jr. Highers tonight, I started off on a tangent, and God really hit me with the realization that I've been doing it all on my own recently. I haven't fit Him into my schedule, I haven't asked Him for support or help through all this ridiculousness. And so when I got home, I sat and prayed for that. For God's hand in figuring this whole mess out. And while its nothing near being unsorted, He's given me a peace about my life. And I know that with Him, I can make it. Yet again, God has come through. And while it may not be an instant thing, I know He's here for the first time in a bit, helping me along. Picking up the pieces of my life that I simply cannot hold right now. He's always been there, but I never gave Him my burden to help me lift. I'm glad I moved over and gave Him a handhold though. I know that everything's going to be okay.

Overthinking

I've found my mind wandering to some pretty unpleasant places in the past few days, and I really am not happy about it. I've spent too long of a period of time thinking about these negative ideas, and I know that its starting to affect me. I know that some of my thoughts are just plain implausible, but its the ones that hit close to home that have been bugging me. Because I know that there's either an inevitability that they will happen in a period of time, or that they simply have a great chance of occurring. I think I just need to tell the world that my mind isn't a fun place right now. I know I'm overthinking right now. Its just a matter of time before I come to my senses and stop. And I'd like that to be now. I'll let you all know.

The Here And Now

This summer has been unlike any other summer I've had the pleasure of experiencing. What started off as a bland, ordinary (if somewhat chilly) season, ended with my life headed in a new direction, out of the monotony I've experienced for the past two years in community college. Now don't get me wrong; these last years have been absolutely incredible. So much has happened, good, bad, and just kind of run-of-the-mill. But when it comes down to it, I've been in a sort of rut. I've had no direction in terms of my future. Yes, I've really wanted to get into youth ministry, and everyone's always told me I'd do great in the field of Information Technologies, but IT is not really been something I've actively worked towards making happen, and a job in ministry seems way far off. However, this season has been the turning point for so many things.

In these few months, so much has happened. I had the incredible privilege to counsel six awesome guys up at Hume Lake Christian Camps for a week, and by doing so, I learned far more than I ever have in that place before, and definitely learned a lot about myself and my ability to lead others responsibly. I learned to ride a motorcycle, and in the process, came to own one. I finally sat down and talked with a good friend who I've been confused and on edge with, and sorted things out. I made new friends. But out of everything that happened, meeting the person I'd soon end up being with trumps it all. I met a girl named Erin, and in the process of getting to know her, I found myself wanting to do more than simply be her friend. Asking her out was the most nerve-racking thing I've ever done. But it was so worth it. I never thought I'd meet someone who was such a polar opposite of me, yet such a compliment to who I am and what I do. I honestly feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I feel like I finally have more than just personal motivation to get my life in order. Ironically, I've just had more than a couple doors open for a future career in the audio production world. I'm scared out of my wits as to how fast its developing, and I'm unsure as to how I should approach it.

There's an enormous amount of things happening right now, and I feel like I've been screaming through my everyday life at a 120 miles an hour nonstop for weeks. A huge amount of responsibility and independence is heading my way in the next few days, unlike anything I've experienced. I'm praying that I'll be able to keep it all together, as I know it will start getting quite hectic in the next few months. Despite all the complications however, I'm really happy with the way my life is going. I'm looking forward to the ridiculousness of this season, as I feel like it will most definitely be a defining time in my life. And guys, all you wonderful friends of mine, you're more than welcome to join the ride!

A Length Of Time

I haven't posted anything here for a while. But I'm going to start to soon. A lot has gone on this summer, and I have a lot to say. Stay tuned my friends, this ride's not finished, or even close to being done.

The Focal Point

After posting the previous post a couple of minutes ago, I got to thinking and realized that things have actually been quite amazing lately. That I shouldn't be focusing on the random downtime that I have. Instead, I should be paying attention to the awesomeness that's happening all around me. I mean, come on, I freaking saw Switchfoot twice in the same weekend! I was able to worship like I haven't for quite a while with Phil Wickham last Thursday, and then to top it off, James was back and led worship like only he can last Sunday. Yeah, there's random "drama" that's apparently going on. Yeah, things have been slow this week. I just need to get over the recent slowness this week. Otherwise, everything's pretty much golden! I've got amazing friends, and even if they decide to be less friendly than they usually are, its not something that I've let get to me. I think I'll just list the incredible things that have happened recently. In no particular order:

-Phil Wickham!
-Lots of Rockband!
-The Del Mar Fair! (including friends, food, and rides)
-Switchfoot!
-The Bro-Am!
-Naps In The Sun :)
-Band Practice!
-Worship!
-Cool Customers :]
-Seeing James!
-Birthdays!
-NCT!
-Friends :D

And above all, God's amazingness.

I've been focusing on the negative today because, quite obviously, I haven't been focusing what matters.

Pfffft.....

As exciting and adventurous as this summer started out, its gotten rather dull. The monotony of these days filled with nothingness in between church, work, and random events is killing me. Watching TV and playing video games are not a legitimate way to spend a day. And dwelling on things I'd rather not for entire days is not exactly pleasant either. Not to mention the incredible temptation that arises from days I already know will lead nowhere.

Just The Right Amount Of Epic

I just saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and I have to say, I was more than impressed. If anything, the way I felt about this movie should have been the way I felt about the first one. It had more "HOLY CRAP, did that just really happen!?!" moments than I can count, and had the entire theater vocally cheering on Optimus Prime and his gang on several occasions. The failure of the original was gone. Yes, Shia LaBeouf talks his freaking head off more than necessary, no, the main heroine still can't act and is there for nothing more than makeout sessions, slow-mo running scenes, and modelling jeans. And there were most definitely more nauseating vertigo-inducing zoomed-in 360 degree shots than I care to remember. But when you see Decepticons and Autobots literally beating themselves to death, you forget about the fact that its all smoke and mirrors. The first movie really lacked the epic battles and scale that this movie amply provided. However, inappropriate jokes abound along with cheese-laden comic relief. I audibly groaned more than once. But even the lengthy dialog sections of the feature couldn't break it. Again, the astonishing action sequences hold the movie together from beginning to end. I really recommend seeing this one while its still in theaters. I can strongly say that this film was much more than everything I had hoped the first one would be (and was more than disappointed when it wasn't).

Pour Us Some Road, We'll Both Drink And Drive

All you need is two.

Messing Around

From an IRC chat server:

#127039 +(10700)- [X]

-wolf- 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
-wolf- 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
-wolf- 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
-wolf- 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
-wolf- 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
-wolf- I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
-wolf- Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

Thanks for the laughs Nathan!

A Hard Day's Work

Its been a while since I've had a day of labor-intensive, backbreaking, hard work. But today the summer interns, Tim, Will, and myself sledgehammered and jack hammered a patio to literal pieces all day. It wasn't exhausting, but tiring work. My hands definitely took a major toll today, (it hurts quite a bit to simply be typing this), but I think it was well worth the pain and sweat. We finished up the whole thing finally, with a pile of rubble and exposed dirt to testify for our day of productivity. Its really cool to be able to see the end product of a fair day's work. Very cool indeed. Hooray for physical labor!

The Adventure Of A Lifetime

There's a certain adventure I dearly want to go on right now. But for the first time in a long time, I don't know how to. Usually adventures shove themselves in my face, unavoidable, and if they don't, I hunt them down and make sure that I experience them. But there's a certain one that I truly want to go on, but that I have absolutely no clue how to start. I know that its most likely just a matter of time until it unlocks its mystery to me, but until then, I'm stuck scratching my head and wondering how the heck its going to work out somewhere down the road, or if it even will. Its like a kid in an ice cream shop. All he wants is that double scoop of bubble gum with sprinkles on top. Its what he wants more than anything. And I more or less feel the same way. My adventurous spirit yearns for it. But it somehow continues to evade me.

Just something I've been thinking about for the past couple of weeks...

A V6 and Eurodance

There's stupid, and there's fun, and then there's a weird combination of the two that really makes no sense other than the fact that its there, and you're doing it, and its a heckuva lotta fun. It doesn't happen too often, but tonight that odd feeling of freedom and carelessness fell upon me, and it was great. I've never had more fun searching for a cup of coffee before. If you were with me tonight, you know what went down and why it was so ridiculously fun. If you weren't, you should have been there.

The New & Improved

My good friend Eric just informed me that earlier this week the new version of my MP3 player, the Zune, has been unveiled.  I'm getting one.  ...once it releases this Fall that is.

The Joys Of Inconsistencies

Change. It inevitably happens. There's really no stopping it. But this change is usually a good thing. If life was constantly more of the same, would it really be worth living? The change of the routine, of the sublime and used to the excitement of the new really hits a spot with everyone. Doing something for the first time is always a rush, a thrill, an experience to be had. And definitely not one to be missed. But doing something that you've done before with a new perspective can make it just as new as the day you first experienced it. I think what I'm trying to say is: our lives are inconsistent. They shift and flow and change in ways that we would never have guessed. In ways that we can never control.

But its not just the events in our lives that change, but the people too. The people in our lives change as much as we do, and it takes work trying to keep up with their lives as well as your own. The friends that I knew a year ago, 6 months ago, 1 month ago; they've changed. For better or for worse. But in my opinion, this is what makes relationships so thrilling. I really enjoy hearing what's happened in someone's life since the last time I've seen them, be it a day or a couple months. I love interaction with people. More than just about anything else. And as the title of this blog post suggests, its because of the joy of the inconsistency. The friends that I spend the most time with are the ones that enjoy doing something wild and crazy and adventurous just for the heck of it. Things like explosions and hiking and exploring and even simple things like teaching how to give a proper hand massage while playing a game of Halo at 4am. Things like Critical Mass, Spirit West Coast, Blue Sky, The Ghost, and trips to colleges. The adventure of the relationship and the adventure at hand are a powerful combination that I absolutely love. Relationships are the most important thing in the world, they're what we were created for. So don't give up when the going gets rough. Change with that change, and allow yourself to grow because of it.

A Faint Ringing In My Ears

Spirit West Coast. Words can't describe how much I enjoyed spending the day there. But, this being a blog, I'm obviously trying to do just that.

I got there at about 2, just in time to see a band called the Sonflowerz, of whom the two original members have been staying at my house for the weekend, play. The other band members are currently staying at the Anderberg's, and because of this, they decided to grant David and I with guest passes to the event for free. That's right, I was on the LIST! They were actually really good, and it was cool seeing people I know personally on a huge stage like that with hundreds of people watching.

Second up was Run Kid Run, a band that I enjoy listening to from time to time. They played a lot of stuff from their new album, which is the one I own, so I knew a majority of the songs fortunately. The highlight of this particular show was the show within the show. A mosh pit of sorts started up, but then turned into some sort of freakout area that involved ridicous stunts and a man-sized inflatable pirate. And since there were no beach balls, said pirate ended up being a substitute halfway through.

Third up was NeedtoBreathe, who I ended up seeing twice today.

Fourth was Relient K!! The show was a blast, but the crowd was a bust. Everyone just stood there and wondered what they were playing (Which included a song about The Office followed by the intro from the show, and the always popular "Five Dollar Footlong" song). Unbelievably however, they played Deathbed as their finale! It was the 15 minutes well spent. At the end of the song though, when Jon Foreman sings in the CD, Jon actually ran up on stage, but ended up not singing his part.

After a long break, the fifth band, and I'd have to say the best band by far to play today, was Family Force 5. The show was like nothing else. The showmanship and energy radiating from the band and stage were only seconded by the energy and craziness of the crowd. I ended up front center jumping, moshing, headbanging, and fist pumping my way into deafening oblivion. It was an amazing show, and was a huge amount of fun to participate in.

Lastly, but definitely not the least, was an acoustic session with the Sonflowerz and NeedtoBreathe. It was an intimate, close, almost jam-session atmosphere, and I just sat on the floor in front of the stage and soaked it in. NeedtoBreathe definitely shone here. They were good on stage, but when they were in a room acoustic, they really blew us away.



Music aside, I caught up with my old C28 family all at once, spent the entire day with my mom, practical brother, and good friend Denise, whom I have not seen for too long. I listened to a very insipring sermon given by a man born without any arms or legs whatsoever, and had a really touching conversation with a security guard that thought I was an artist playing at the event. God really has really been winding me down recently. And I'm thankful for it. He truely does know exactly what it is that I need.

So thank you God for this astounding day. All glory be to You.

The First Feelings Of Summer

Peace and a weird sense of joy. That's what I feel right now. Having two good friends jamming away while I sit back and listen really just has a soothing effect on me. I'm not sure why, but it really just calms me down. So kudos my friends for the good music, and for the relaxing and fun hang out time you're responsible for. It really is great to just unwind.

On another note, life is really great right now. School is over with, I have a job that's pretty great and has good hours, and have picked up another hobby that I'm somewhat terrified of, but oddly enjoying. Today felt like summer. I have a feeling that the next couple of months are going to be great!

Television

Oh TV, you time-consuming affair that wastes my ...time.

I don't watch TV.  That is until recently.  My PC decided to push up daisies (its somewhat similar to Frankenstein right now), and my Xbox decided to follow suit.  Throw in the end of the semester and all of my friends suddenly had school loads like nobody's business.  So I've spent my free time utilizing the DVR function of cable to its fullest extent.  And how do I feel about these time vampires?  Well.....

24, the season was great.  Much better than last.  I actually wanted to cry at some points, at others, punch out a wall.  It takes a good TV show to do that to someone.  The season ended quite abruptly, leaving me craving more, but feeling satisfied that Jack Bauer literally cannot die due to the fact that Sutherland is signed on for two more seasons at least.  So 24 its been great, and I will await your return this coming New Year.

And Bones.  Seriously!?  I was looking forward to a season finale and that's what you threw out?  I'd rather have had a 30 second explanation of the last sentence spoken in the episode than have seen the entire hour of it.  Booth, you have to be okay.  Okay?

Then of course there's The Office.  Kudos Michael, I never thought you had it in your confused little brain to pull the stunts you pulled this season.

Mythbusters, Time Warp, you make science fun again.  Something I never thought would happen after High School Chem. (it was beyond bad)

But now that these seasons are over, and now that the sun is warming America's Greatest City to summer highs once again, I will say a fond fairwell to you Cable.  You've stolen more time from me than I thought possible at first, but I love real people and real events much more than fake or recorded ones.  I'll be off making my own adventures.  Anyone care to join me?

A Revival

I haven't used this space for my thoughts really at all. So I'm posting a pair of drafts I wrote last fall, and will try to frequent this space more often with my ideas and feelings and whatever else I feel like writing about.