Recollections

2009 was quite the year. A ton of things happened, most already forgotten, but some lodged in my head for hopefully quite a long time.

I met some really cool people this year!
-A girl named Elizabeth; she's now up at Joshua.
-Morgan's cousin Gary, who is now a really awesome friend.
-I went out with Erin, an amazing girl I met this summer. Though it didn't work out, I have to say the entire experience was a positive one that I have fond memories of.
-A host of Gary's friends, each incredible in their own ways; and way too numerous to mention each. (Kathreen, I thought you deserved a shout-out ^_^ )

I went to some absolutely stunning places!
-Visiting Emily for a week up at school.
-Surprising James for his birthday by flying out to Colorado unannounced.
-Big Bear trips!
-Hume Lake; twice :)
-Epic roadtrips; both spontaneous and planned.
-I discovered the beauty and freedom on the Anza Borrego desert.
-Sooooo much more.

I was privileged to have the chance to do some great things!
-Continued speaking into the junior higher's lives.
-Learned more about mixing live sound that I thought possible.
-Counseling a cabin of freshmen boys up at Hume for a week :D
-Was home alone for a combined four months in both the summer and fall semester.
-Worked with Alex at Verrazzano's for 6 months.

And some not so great things happened..
-CRAZY drama in the spring. (followed by crazy reconciliation in the end of the summer)
-Lost my job.
-Some personal stuff too.

But overall, I really have to say that God has taught me SO much this past year. Its been an eye-opening experience, and though I can't say I enjoyed every moment of it, there are more than a few memories that bring a warm smile to my face. I love you my friends, my family; but more than that, I love you my God. I pray that I learn just as much in 2010, and that I am able to move in a positive forward motion these coming twelve months.

Imperfect Perfect Timing

I'm getting over a cold (finally) that sprung up right at the start of my Christmas break. The timing for that really sucked. I had a million and one Christmas parties that I was going to attend, I was supposed to go caroling, and on top of that, gifts to deliver. I ended up sitting in my pajamas with a fever, hacking cough, and a nose running like it was being chased by the law. So instead of white elephant gift exchanges, ugly Christmas sweater contests, Elf marathons, and caroling, I sat in my room and played a video game called Supreme Commander. What was an unwelcome break was still a break though, and it did what breaks typically do: it recuperated and refreshed. So I guess the upside to my lamely-timed sickness was that I had a chance to rest in a period where I was doing nothing but operating at 110%. Finals took their toll, and then I jumped headlong into the holidays without a breath of rest. And though I wish I could have done all that fun stuff, I'm a little glad I didn't. I had an unplanned chance to catch my breath and slow down for a bit. It was nice. And now that break is kicking it in to high gear, I'm at it once again, full steam!

Swelling Strings And Blaring Trumpets

Somewhat embarrassingly, I can't get the movie Avatar out of my mind. Its like a song that you just can't get out of your head. Except its an entire movie. So in an attempt to do something about it, I got the soundtrack, and have now become completely addicted to it (great). The soundtrack does pretty much what the movie did to me on a smaller scale; it swells a storm of emotion. I honestly don't know what it is about this production that just hits home for me. I feel like it reached deep within me and touched something that resonates throughout my entire being. I think my problem is that I want Pandora to be real. Amongst all its dangers and hardships, I think I found something that I am so dearly wishing was a reality. An escape from the inevitable monotony of this life here on Earth. Everyone is pushing for me to do this or that, asking me what career I want to take up, where I want to go to school next, what I want to study. I know what I want to do. But its unacceptable to our society. I want to pioneer, in the straight up definition of that word. I want to go out to explore and see things that no one else has laid their eyes on. I want to discover new places with their own extraordinary history and past. I want to divulge in God's complete mastery over Creation. I don't want to sit behind a desk and make money. Sure, money's useful and all that, but I wish I could live without it. Look at what its done to our societies. Greed over a number in a bank account has corrupted the best of us into slaves of the pursuit of wealth. Yet all that turns into is sustenance. 40+ hours a week means a meal on the table and a warm house to sleep in. It works. But its a system that entraps. We weren't meant to do menial jobs our entire lives just so that we could live. I want to do something that MEANS something. Something that I'm passionate about, something that I love. I want to break free from all this. But I don't know how. I don't even think its possible. You have to have money to do anything. And that means doing exactly what everyone else has been doing for centuries. I think that Avatar gave me a glimpse into that deeply rooted dream. A chance at a life away from all this. So I find myself daydreaming of a freedom that doesn't exist, and wishing that it did. Yeah, life's not all fun and games; and I don't want it to be. What I long for is it to bring up a new challenge every day; not one that I simply have to throw money at, but one that I have to DO something about. I want life to be significant. I want an option that it seems I just don't have.

Avatar

I've seen a lot of movies, I've liked more than a few of them. I've claimed to absolutely love some and despise others. But even the movies that I hold as some of the greatest productions I've seen have things wrong with them; bits that are just off, parts I kind of want to fast forward. I've been blown away by movies, drawn into them, unable to wait for the next scene. But I can't say I've ever been affected by a movie like this before. I went into the theater knowing nothing about the plot, nothing about the premise other than the fact that it was Sci-Fi, took place on another planet some time in the future, and had crazy blue people. I was starting to regret spending $16.50 three weeks ago on my movie ticket. Leaving the theater, I found myself disappointed. Disappointed that the reality I had just been submersed in wasn't real. When I got up, I found that my entire body ached; I quite literally had not moved a muscle for over two hours. Movies are good at bringing emotions. The opening of Up makes you feel for Carl; usually to the brink of tears. 28 Days Later makes you feel dread, a pit of terror in your stomach. Kung Fu Panda gives you a childish sense of joy and laughter. But never before have I seen a movie that was ironically enough (considering the alien protagonists) so human. I was drawn in by the story, sure. The IMAX3D presentation made the screen seem a hundred feet deep, furthering the illusion of reality. The CGI masterpieces that filled the screen didn't look too good to be true; they were in almost all senses of the word, real. Epic scenes took over the theater. Subtle little things that most people probably didn't notice dominated every shot. But that wasn't what got me. It was the pure emotion of the film. I've never felt so angry looking at a screen before; wanting nothing but to jump up and scream in rage. I've never been made to feel so helpless by a film. I've never experienced such wonder, amazement, and awe. All that from a movie. The absolute beauty of the world in which the film exists was unimaginable. All in all, I had no idea what I was getting into when I saw this production. I can't wait to go back and witness it again. By far, and without a doubt in my mind, this was the BEST film I have ever had the joy of experiencing in my lifetime. Go see it. I guarantee you won't regret it.

Finals

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Pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

A Melody And Guitar

What is it about music that is just so pure, relaxing, enjoyable, so liberating, so creative, so incredible, beautiful, astounding, inspiring, reassuring, releasing, and so exhilarating? Music is all that and oh so much more. It truly is one of the most indescribably awe-some things in this life here on Earth. And considering God's Word; its a pretty significant part of our continued life once we leave our bodies behind. If music is this good now, I can't even come close to imagining what I'd imagine it will be like in His presence.

Downpour

I've been meaning to go to sleep for about an hour now, but I can't. Not that anything's wrong, but simply because the rain is coming down so hard. I'm enchanted by it: I love it. The sound as it wisps through the air, hits the Christmas Lights strung from my house to the light pole, and splashes into the quasi-river that my street's turned into is intoxicating. The weather in Socal; while consistent, enjoyable, and nice, is rather boring. I love the cold, I love the rain, I love the snow, I love the thrill of not knowing what the day will look like when I wake up and look out the window. I went outside and stood in the drenching embrace of the emptying skies for a couple minutes; and a calm that can only be brought on by that specific circumstance was brought upon me. I use this quote way too much, so forgive me, but in the movie V for Vendetta, one of the main characters, Evey, says, "God is in the rain". While I know that God is not literally found in the rain, I can't help but agree with her. It is in that moment; when I stand with my arms outstretched, soaked by His creation, that I feel closer to Him than I usually ever do. On an internal, inexplicable level, I can't help but think that she's got it right.

The Plan

When the Zombie Apocalypse inevitably happens, what's your plan? You've got to have one, because a lack of Zombie Plan pretty much means that you're going to become another meaty snack for the hordes of undead. Now, in order to be fully prepared, one needs to know that a variety of walking abominations are possible.

~ First off, there's your Classic Zombie. These guys are slow, stupid, and lumbering. But never underestimate their numbers! They may be cannon fodder, but you'll soon realize that you simply can't kill all of them before they get to you. Examples of Classic Zombies can be found in the video game Dead Rising, and the movie Dawn of the Dead.

~ Then there's Fast Zombies. These guys are nasty. They come in two forms: smart and dumb. The smart variety aren't actually intelligent, but they will hunt you down instead of vaguely trip in your direction. This means that they'll attempt to break down obstacles you've put up, and sometimes may even launch an all-at-once attack with their fellow brain-eaters. Fast Zombies are, as the name implies, fast. They can outrun you, jump higher than you, and are generally much stronger than you. This is the worst-case scenario. Examples can be found in the movies 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, and also I Am Legend.

~ Lastly are Modern Zombies. This is generally accepted as the most likely outbreak of the undead to occur. Modern Zombies take a combination of traits from other theories, and are the most versatile. They stumble around either in hordes or alone. They're generally smart enough to pursue you, but lack the smarts to avoid traps. When they are especially hungry for your fleshy goodness, they will in fact run after you. Modern Zombies however, can still horde a location and overwhelm it with sheer numbers. There are not many mainstream examples of Modern Zombies.

Now that you have the information regarding the undead hordes, start your own plan. When you hear about the Zombie Apocalypse, its do or die. Know where you're going to go, how you're going to fortify that location, what supplies you'll have, and how you'll manage to defend yourself. Generally, this primary shelter won't be good enough to last, so you'll need a location in mind that you can fortify, supply, and hold out in. Transportation is also a major concern. Think about what neighbors/friends you know that have large, heavy vehicles, preferably a Hummer or raised truck. Think about where the nearest stockpile of weapons might be as well; your local police station for instance. Generally, your plan should avoid densely populated areas, as where there were more people, will also be where infection will have spread the worst. Once you have a solidly formulated plan, form another. You need a Zombie Plan for ALL occasions. For when you're shopping, when you're spending an evening downtown, for when you're at home, church, school, your best buddy's house. And don't plan on any infrastructure; as it will most likely not be in working condition. You have to plan as if you're the only uninfected human on the planet, because, you very well may be. Plan well, and you might have a chance at surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.

So now I ask you: What's YOUR Zombie Plan?

Pressing On

Life is always moving forward. What's happened in the past is over and done with. What's going to happen in the future can only be theorized. You can't control the future, and you can't live in the past. But the present, the current, the now; THAT is our realm. Yet I find that we don't like the idea that we're stuck in the one-dimensionality of time. We always wish we could go back and change that one thing, or make sure that this certain idea happens in the times to come. Whether we're measuring by days, years, months, or hours, we're never content being here. Yet here and now is where we are. There's nothing that we can do about that on any level. So why do we try so hard? That's an answer that I simply don't have. What I can say however, is that while reminiscing is great, and planning is important, we need to start focusing on the matter at hand: this very second. One breath at a time, our biological clock is ticking ever so slowly towards either eternal life with God, or eternal life without Him. And that should be our focus. We should live every moment for our Creator, because we honestly can never actually know if it won't be our last. And how cool would it be to go out serving the Lord? Our lives are moving in forward motion. There is no pause, there are no retries, there is no "skip chapter" button. We need to stop dwelling in the past. We need to stop overly worrying about the future. Seize the day; do something extraordinary! Don't get overwhelmed by things that you can't redo. Don't freeze up because you don't know what's going to happen. Take each day by the hand, and run with it! Treasure each breath that swells inside your chest, and revel at the beauty of creation with every blink of your eye. And when the uncontrollable factors of life try to hold you down and suffocate you, break free! God didn't put us here on this Earth to cower in thought of the future, He didn't give us the gift of memories so that we could spend all day thinking about them; He put us here so that we could thrive; so that people would see how joyous and free our lives are and wonder, "What the heck do they have that I don't? Because I want some of that!" Live each moment and action for The Lord Almighty, because quite simply, that's what we were created to do. Live in the now, run alongside the flow of time and appreciate everything that comes your way. Take nothing for granted. And start to truly, truly LIVE.

Onward Towards Christmas

December's starting, and I can't say that I am where I thought I would be at the beginning of this semester. Not even close. For starters, I'm no longer in the relationship I was in, I'm no longer employed at my prior place of work, my friendships have been ebbing and flowing in and out of certain groups quickly, my parents are home a month early, and classes took different routes than I thought they would. I was madder yesterday than I've ever been, and I almost lost my cool more than a few times. Last month, I was so confused and worried, and my worst fear at the moment happened. Two weeks ago, I was homesick while in my own house, and a week later my parents came home for Thanksgiving. Things have been happening quickly, swiftly, and in new and constantly changing ways. My life is being up-heaved from its old monotonous self, and I think I like it. Though not all change is good; I'd say that change is better than no change. Christmas is right around the corner, and I'm excited for the festivities to come. Things may not be heading my way 100%, but I'm happy with where I'm going.